Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an
erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to
use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe
years.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you
still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals,
dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax
cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers—what you do today, might burn
your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me:
” Don ‘t worry about old age—it doesn’t last that long.”